a recluse in pandemonium

I don’t miss the florescent lights

I could feel their buzz in my stomach

enough to make me sick but never vomit.

which could be worse.

I don’t miss walking down halls, seeing a half-stranger from down the way

Every week, I analysed my hellos and my goodbyes

I’m bored but I feel blessed to hide

I hate bookends of a conversation, I just want the meat.

the in

between.

I don’t miss my heart pounding

at the thought of speaking

to people likely not listening

I’ve told myself a million times

it doesn’t really matter

but my heart pumps like my life depends

on the nothing I have to say.